The Things We Do...

Sometimes I create victories for myself. It helps put a spring in my step, and lets me know that I am the master of something, even if it is not a grand thing.

For example, when I go to the grocery store, I race with the checker. You know the little membership cards you get? I try to wrestle mine out of my wallet, and swipe it through the machine before the checker gets a chance to say,

"Do you have your Smith's card today?"

This is not easy, because, as noted in my previous post, my life gets kind of messy, and so does my wallet. I'm working on it. Anyway, sometimes I win, sometimes the checker wins, but it is always fun. Always.

Anytime I am able to make a cursive "c" that doesn't look like a "v," I reward myself with a candy bar. A student actually pointed out that my c's look like v's. I sent him to the office.

When I make my glass beads (I make jewelry, remember?), and they don't all look like potatoes, I give myself potato chips. The down side of this is, if my beads do end up like potatoes, I have to eat a raw potato. They're not great.

If I walk around all day in my new 4 inch wedges without falling off of them and breaking my ankle, I get a doughnut. If I do fall off of them...well, I probably have a broken ankle, and that is punishment enough.

If I write a post on my jewelry blog that actually has something to do with my jewelry, I get a whole cake! Clearly, that hasn't happened in awhile. I promise the next post will be about my progress toward the Spearfish Show, with pictures of my latest projects and all. Really.

If I write a post in which I address my readers as if I actually had readers...I don't actually get anything except the realization that I am being delusional. Please follow my blog (click the "join this site" button on the right!). I would be so happy if you did, and the reward I give myself for getting more readers would be absolutely bananas!

On a serious note (in case you couldn't tell that this post is absolutely and totally silly), it is very important to celebrate our accomplishments, big and small, real and imagined. We already have plenty of ways to break ourselves down, and it can be so easy to ignore our victories. Yes, a lot of them are small (i.e. successfully avoiding the aggressively friendly stranger at the grocery store--more scary than cuddly), but they are victories nonetheless. I want to hear about yours! Leave them in the comments section!

P.S. I do not recommend that you indulge in chocolate and/or processed sugar every time you write your cursive letters correctly. Neither do I actually condone eating a doughnut every time you walk without falling down. Just to be clear. However, if your lampwork beads don't look like potatoes, by all means, have a chip.

Keeping It Together Can Be Hard

Do you ever feel like you are losing you mind? If yes, does this feeling ever last for a month or more? Well, (I say with a seasoned chuckle) this happens to me every other month and lasts for about three months. That's right, do the math...I feel like a crazy person approximately all of the time. So, assuming that I'm not alone in this (because if I am alone I don't think I can take it--so please just humor me), I decided to write some helpful hints for dealing with stressful situations. Ready? Here we go.

1. Do you have too many books cluttering your house? Well, simply gather the ones you don't want anymore, stuff them in a bag, and leave by them the front door for three weeks, telling yourself each time you trip over them that you will take them to the used book store as soon as you have a moment to breathe. If you're lucky, your dogs will help you out, like this:

Magadoo, sitting happily atop her pile of ruin.

Notice the shredded pages all around her? Yes, the darling took it upon herself to eat some of those pesky books--that's two fewer books I need to worry about schlepping to the store! Score! Look closely at her face. Here is what she is communicating with that sweet little smirk:

Maggie: "Hey, Amy. Remember that time this morning when you had to get to work early, and you didn't take me for a walk? Yeah? Ringing any bells? Well, I ate your books. That's right. Now go get the leash."

And that, my friends, is how you deal with excess clutter. Situation handled.

2. Is one of your best friends having surgery? Okay, I have the perfect solution. Forget about it! Just completely let it slip your mind, then call her the day after for a nice little chat. When she sounds groggy, and not quite herself, you can tease her for drinking at 10:00 in the morning. Then, when she says, "Oh no, it's just the pain killers for my surgery," you can sit silently for a full 30 seconds, really soaking in the guilt until it feels like it will crush your bones. Once you are saturated in your shame, beg for forgiveness, then ply her with gifts. You're welcome.

3. Do you keep getting letters from your insurance company requesting proof that you repaired a hole in the ground next to your house, but you can't really provide proof other than to say "I took dirt from another part of the yard, and put it in the hole until it was nice and filled,"? Don't even sweat it. Just put the letter on top of your bill box with all the other important documents that you don't know how to address, and ignore it. What are they gonna do? Cancel your home owners insurance? (Laughing)I don't think so...oh, wait...

4. Finally, do you feel like you have just way too many things to do in any given day? No problem! Just make a list, like this:

See how simple that is? All you have to do is follow the list, and mark off the items as you complete them! Genius!

Ahh, helpful hints are great! You know what's even more helpful? Knowing that it's okay to take the occasional trip to Crazy Town, as long as you come back. Things get so chaotic, but it helps me to remember that the world will keep right on going, and so will I. Treat your day like a rousing game of Duck Hunt on Nintendo. Know that you'll get a few, but some will fly away and then a dog will come out of the bushes and laugh at you. It's okay. Celebrate the hits, and save the misses for tomorrow. I wish everyone knew how much wisdom there is to be had in the original Duck Hunt.